Hopefully Eidos/Square Enix/Io Interactive get the picture by now and just give people a new Hitman instead.

Lost: Via Domus – 3.0 GB

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last 6+ years, you know what Lost is. By extension, you also know just how rabid the fanbase for the show is — over-analyzing each and every frame of each and every episode like their lives depended on it. “What the hell is up with the horse, Kate?!?!”

Of course, this gave ABC and Ubisoft every reason to license a game and spit out Via Domus. Now, I’m not saying the character Hurley is a ravishing fellow, but what the hell is this? Is that what the blind see in their nightmares? Not to mention that you don’t even get to play as any of the characters fans love. Nope, you get to play as some dork that no one had seen in the show trying to recollect his memory as events from the show unfold around him.

Those are 3 gigs much better spent on just about anything else, no matter how big of a Lost fan you are.

Quantum Theory – 5.1 GB

After Gears of War ran with the foundation built by Resident Evil 4, countless games have followed suit. Some do this quite admirably – the recent Vanquish, for example – and others do not. You can probably already guess which camp Quantum Theory falls into. It’s everything that Gears isn’t: a visual mess, not in the least bit fun, and riddled with instant death scenarios.

Tycho from Penny Arcade recently described Sonic Free Riders for Kinect as “a hate crime”. While he’s probably right, that makes me wonder what term one would use to describe Quantum Theory. An apocalypse? A genocide? Whatever it is, it ain’t good.

I’m no game science manperson, but I’m pretty sure the majority of those 5 gigs is the equivalent of the game taking a dump inside your console. JUST SAY NO.

50 Cent: Blood on the Sand – 1.65 GB

When I mentioned morbid curiosity in the opening paragraph, this is exactly the type of game I was talking about. I can’t stand 50 Cent, and the concept behind the game is ridiculously dumb. How dumb? “Fiddy does a concert in the Middle East, gets paid with a bejeweled skull, has it stolen, and goes on a bloody manhunt” dumb.

That being said … it had to be played. It was just too dumb to ignore. It definitely isn’t a good game, or even mediocre, but it didn’t take itself seriously at all. So it has that going for it, I s’pose. At the very least, it’s better than 50 Cent: Bulletproof and Quantum Theory.