Games you will never, ever Platinum

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Obviously I won’t leave you without any proof, so here it is: GH: Metallica (my personal favorite because of my unabashed Metallica fanboyism, but it also had the highest production value) requires you to get insane scores for certain songs with a particular instrument. While no difficulty is specified, the only way you can play enough notes to reach said scores is by doing it on Expert (or Expert+ for the drums). I fancy myself pretty good at both the drums and guitar/bass, but I dare you to even pass Fight Fire with Fire on Expert bass, much less blow through the required 340,000 points for the trophy. And are you good enough to also score 1 million points as a band on Battery and 450K points for Dyers Eve on Expert+ drums? Didn’t think so.

Thrash metal AND a legitimate workout? Win-win!

Thrash metal AND a legitimate workout? Win-win!

As for Van Halen, they expect you to get 5 stars on guitar for “Little Guitars”, “Cathedral”, “Spanish Fly”, and “Eruption”, the four hardest songs in the game, to nab the “The Woodshed” trophy. Oh, and also every other Van Halen song in the game in career mode for “Guitar God”. Just … no. You are not Eddie.

Finally, Smash Hits required you to kick ass on “Raining Blood” on guitar AND drums for two different trophies.

You have fun with that. Just make sure to stretch your forearms and calves, and drink a lot of water. Don’t forget to call a shrink, crazy person.

Grand Theft Auto IV

Holy crap, do I love me some GTA IV. I beat the single-player three times, and plugged away over 50 hours shooting pigeons and finding jumps to finally reach 100%. In between, I spent many more hours simply dicking around online in free mode with friends, trophies be damned. After getting all of the single-player trophies, however, I figured I’d mop up the multiplayer trophies to get a damn satisfying platinum.

Oh man, was I in for a treat.

As it turns out, each trophy has to be achieved in a single session. This is fine for the ones that can be had in a single match, but others can take literally hours. “Auf Wiedersehen Petrovic” requires you to win at basically everything – every race type on every course, every match on every map, all of it – and can take upwards of 10 nonstop hours to achieve. If you or anyone else disconnects during the session your ass is starting over.

Call your cousin. Not for teetees, but for trophy boosting

Call your cousin. Not for teetees, but for trophy boosting

To add insult to injury, this is only present in the PS3 version of the game, and has been since GTA IV came out in April 2008. Obviously at this point Rockstar isn’t patching a damn thing, which is a shame. This would easily have been my favorite platinum to have.


For a movie I’ve only seen a couple of times, I really do enjoy Ghostbusters. Understandably, fans were a little bit nervous when the game was announced, but everyone was pleasantly surprised when it turned out to be as good as it was. Much like BioShock 2, the single-player trophies are also pretty standard fare.

Any reason to show Stay-Puft is a good one.

Any reason to show Stay-Puft is a good one

Readers Comments (3)

  1. Heh, I got GHM plat. I do agree with SH and VH being quite hard to plat though.

  2. GTAIV impossible no, time consuming yes.
    Ghostbusters impossible no, time consuming yes.

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